She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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