a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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