I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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