ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
