Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
