We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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