So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
