Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
