fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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