Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Soap is not a condiment
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
