That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
