When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
