So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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