im about as happy as oj after his trial
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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