So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
