Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
