we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
