I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
