just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
