We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
