One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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