Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
