The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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