idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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