he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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