Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
