She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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