I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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