You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
