You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
