lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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