We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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