Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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