the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
