There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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