Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
