So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
