my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
