Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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