you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
