Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
