My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
