like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
