At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
