I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
