Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You made out with two different species that night
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
