I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
