I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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