the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
