i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
